GUILT

6.5.2009

 

This was the case of J. Brazilian and living in the USA for more than three years, he reports that he has always felt since his change an immense concern for the elderly parents left in Brazil in the care of his brother, to whom he does not maintain good relations, until this concern turned into a strong sense of guilt after the emergence of a complicated legal problem that the family faced, J. says that guilty thoughts and extreme self-criticism constantly punished him to the point of failing at work due to fatigue due to the strong insomnia that went on to suffer.

The guilt involves the subject in a  self talk  where on the one hand he is his own executioner and on the other the accused of the crime he did not commit but which he is led to think otherwise, persistent hypothetical thoughts are the hallmark of  self talk  such as: "if I were there I could have avoided this... I could have helped with that...". The fact to be reflected on is that it doesn't make any sense to punish us for something that we'll never know if we could have really avoided/helped, it's all hypotheses! 

The person who left is often led to think that he is the cause of abandonment, very typical phrases often coming from family/friends such as "now that you left us...", or "if you hadn't gone maybe... ." phrases like these end up accumulating in the unconscious and making the subject really end up believing that he is a cause of suffering for people that he, in fact, wants well.  

It is not appropriate to judge the authors of these sentences quoted above, feeling homesick for someone who loves and has moved far away is not a sin, on the contrary, it is more than natural and healthy for the longing to be expressed reciprocally.

However, when you feel that such behavior and phrases similar to the ones above have been repeated and that you are almost falling into the trap of remorse and the daily suffering that it can end up causing, it is time to make clear your real feelings and that Going abroad has nothing to do with abandonment, but with a choice that makes sense for your life and that the support of those who are far away is a vital tool to give strength and overcome daily challenges that those who migrate know well.

A good and open dialogue always helps, honesty in making uncomfortable feelings clear in this case is essential, as it soothes the hearts of all parties involved.

After all, if you are sure of the chosen goal, always try to be brave and make the people who love you allies for peace and common well-being and be firm not to throw away everything you have already invested. 

"The only man who is free from mistakes is the one who doesn't risk getting it right." (Albert Einstein)

​ Author: Andreia Barreto de Miranda